i don't wanna fall to pieces
by matchbookjealousy
Summary: Formally titled "Broken". Finn and Rachel moving on after their break-up.
1. Broken

_**italicized **_**portions are the song "Broken" by Lifehouse.  
**

**as always, reviews are always appreciated. (please and thank you)**

**happy reading.**

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When Finn first had told Kurt about his break-up with Rachel, Kurt was shocked, but soon understood Finn's motivations once the situation with Puck had been explained. Kurt (and Finn – despite whatever he tried to tell himself) could easily see that Finn still loved Rachel. Kurt, in an effort to not to take sides, decided it best just to urge Finn to try to forgive her eventually, and try to think about something else to get his mind off his problems.

Over Christmas break, Finn was able to distract himself from his school life and relationship problems with the new video games he'd received for the holidays. But, when school started again, it was harder for Finn to continue pretending like everything was normal.

Finn just tried to go about his day like he normally would. He was, however, aware that whenever he saw Rachel, he could never really look her in the eyes, and when Santana flirted with him, he only really pretended to be interested. The illusion held up for the first four days back to school, but on Friday, when Karofsky and Azimio effortlessly pushed past him as he walked down the hall, he felt powerless, and then when he heard the two of them laughing and turned to see Rachel covered in green slushie, it made him want to cry. And what was worse, he just kept on walking.

She been exchanging texts with Kurt since their friendship had flourished at the Sectionals competition, but Rachel felt bad about dragging Kurt into her problems with Finn. Finn was Kurt's step-brother, it would be selfish of her to make him choose between the two of them. Luckily for her, Kurt had called her after hearing the news from Finn, asking how she was doing. She had already shed so many tears over what she'd done, but even more still found their way out as Rachel described how awful she felt about her previous actions, and how selfish she felt now about having tried to get Finn to come back to her. Kurt, being the good friend that he was, just tried to comfort her the best he could, and gently suggested that she just try backing off for a while, to let Finn have some space, and if he wanted to rekindle a relationship with her, Finn would do it himself.

She didn't sing much over Christmas break, but once school started, having taken Kurt's advice to heart, she figured she might as well try to move on; after all, if Finn was, why shouldn't she?

Rachel, with her warm, signature Rachel Berry smile on her face, marched into school on the first day back, determined to move on, to focus on her schoolwork and extracurriculars (voice lessons, dance class, and glee rehearsal – making note not to be around Finn more than necessary).

However, after seeing Santana flirting with Finn before class on Tuesday, her smile began to falter. It wasn't until Friday when Azimio and Karofsky threw a freezing cold slushy in her face, did her smile finally fade all the way out.

That afternoon, while working on his homework, Finn got especially frustrated with one particular math problem and finally decided he needed to take a break. Leaving his desk, he turned to the iPod dock in his and Kurt's [intermittently-] shared room and turned on the radio. He instantly recognized the music whose notes gently fell from the speakers, and, silently hoping that his voice wouldn't crack, sang along as the vocal started.

_The Broken clock is a comfort  
It helps me sleep tonight  
Maybe it can stop tomorrow  
From stealing all my time  
And I am here still waiting  
Though I still have my doubts  
I am damaged at best  
Like you've already figured out_

_I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you_

When Rachel got home from school that day, she felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. All she wanted to do now was relax and relish the feeling of not having to avert her eyes every time Finn was nearby. Music was what she needed, so she turned the radio on, hoping to hear fun song she could dance around to. She was sorely disappointed when a familiar song began to play. She just stood still and listened to the first verse, until she felt the urge to finally sing along, no matter how sad the song was.

_The broken locks were a warning  
You got inside my head  
I tried my best to be guarded  
I'm an open book instead  
And I still see your reflection  
Inside of my eyes  
That are looking for purpose  
They're still looking for life_

_I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
Is there healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on_

_I'm still holding on_

_I'm still holding on  
I'm barely holding on to you_

Finn's eyes shimmered with withheld tears as he continued singing along, silently wondering if Rachel were listening this same song right now. He cranked the volume up now, not caring if anyone else heard him, he just needed to let all these feelings out.

In the back of Rachel's mind, she felt proud for holding her tears back as she went on singing (crying makes you congested, and congestion effects your voice, which she can't have happen on stage in emotional scenes of Broadway performances). She, too, turned up the volume, feeling so free being able to let out all of these pent-up emotions.

_I'm hanging on another day  
Just to see what, you will throw my way  
And I'm hanging on, to the words you say  
You said that I will, will be okay  
The broken light on the freeway  
Left me here alone  
I may have lost my way now  
But I haven't forgotten my way home_

_I'm falling apart  
I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart  
That's still beating  
In the pain  
There is healing  
In your name  
I find meaning  
So I'm holding on_

_I'm holding on _

_I'm holding on  
Barely holding on to you_

_I'm holding on_

_I'm holding on_

_I'm holding on_

_I'm barely holding on to you_

After using all of their vocal strength to belt out the last line of the song, Finn slumped back down onto his bed, and Rachel leaned lazily against her dresser, both of them feeling drained, but also resolved, as the song ended.

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**thanks for reading!**

**reviews are greatly appreciated!**


	2. Careless Whisper

**the song featured here is "Careless Whisper" (cover) by Seether (NOT the original George Michael version!)**

**this chapter revolves mostly around Puck and his feelings about what happened between him and Finn, and Finn and Rachel.**

**was going to be a separate story, but i thought it fit pretty well into this storylines, so its here.**

**let me know what you think! reviews are always appreciated!**

**happy reading!**

**~matchbook  
**

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Almost a week had passed since that day when they had unknowingly shared that song on the radio. Finn was still confused about his feelings for Rachel, Santana continued to flirt with Finn (which didn't help matters at all), Rachel continued to [try to] focus on her school work [and not on Finn and Santana], and everyone else just continued to feel generally awkward around them.

But it was time for their glee performances now. After all of the emotions flying around over the past few weeks before the Sectionals competition, Mr. Schue decided to focus the week's assignment on strong or withheld emotions (either positive or negative).

Finn, Sam, Mercedes, and Quinn all teamed up to sing The All-American Reject's "Move Along", which was both impressive as far as vocals went and sad as far as the emotions, and Mike and Brittany did a dance number to Tina, Rachel, Santana, Artie and Lauren (reluctantly in the cast of the latter) singing The Beatles' "Got To Get You Back Into My Life", which brightened everyone's spirits.

The most memorable performance of the day, surprisingly enough, was Puck's. With an ensemble made of the rehearsal band, Sam, and Artie, the music began, with Puck gripping the mic in its stand, and nodding his head along with the heavy sounds of the guitar and drum beats.

_I feel so unsure  
As I take your hand and lead you to the dance floor  
As the music dies, something in your eyes  
Calls to mind a silver screen and all those sad goodbyes_

His eyes, intense with firey emotion (just the kind Mr. Schue had been looking for), moved to Rachel, then to Quinn, then back again.

_I'm never gonna dance again  
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm  
Though it's easy to pretend  
I know you're not a fool_

_I should have known better than to cheat a friend  
And waste the chance that I'd been given  
So I'm never gonna dance again  
The way I danced with you_

_Time can never mend  
The careless whispers of a good friend  
To the heart and mind  
Ignorance is kind  
And there's no comfort in the truth  
Pain is all you'll find  
_

His eyes, burning with anger and guilt and sadness, moved over his teammates as they watch him from the risers. His gaze flickered back to Quinn, Rachel, and finally (and most importantly, perhaps) Finn as he continued singing.

_I'm never gonna dance again  
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm  
Though it's easy to pretend  
I know you're not a fool_

_I should have known better than to cheat a friend  
And waste the chance that I'd been given  
So I'm never gonna dance again  
The way I danced with you_

_Tonight the music seems so loud  
I wish that we could lose the crowd  
Maybe it's better this way  
We'd hurt each other with the things we want to say_

_We could have been so good together  
We could have lived this dance forever  
But now who's gonna dance with me?  
Please stay!_

Puck, lowered one knee, tilting the mic stand over as he held the last note, allowing Artie and Sam to begin the chorus before joining back in himself.

_(I'm never gonna dance again  
Cause guilty feet have got no rhythm_)

_Though it's easy to pretend  
I know you're not a fool_

_I should have known better than to cheat a friend  
And waste the chance that I'd been given  
So I'm never gonna dance again  
The way I danced with you_

The song ended with Puck holding the last note, letting the sound of the instruments fade out behind him.

When the song finally ended, Puck could see the emotion in everyone's eyes as they clap. They all looked either sad or angry. Quinn looked sad, Rachel was practically in tears, and Finn just looked disappointed. Puck wasn't quite sure what he expected from them. _It's not like they were going to just magically forgive you, you idiot! You majorly screwed up all of their lives!_

Sam and Artie both told Puck that they thought he'd done real well, but all three of them know it didn't mean the same thing coming from the two of them. Puck just hopes that even if he can't earn Finn's trust back, maybe he can at least help Rachel earn hers.


	3. Apologize

**the song featured here is "Apologize" by OneRepublic and Timbaland.**

**the fist section of italicization is for thought, the second is for song lyrics, and the third is a text message. it'll be obvious from the context, but i thought i'd make a note of it anyway.**

**yah, i know finn's being super wishy-washy right now (being mad at rachel (during 'special education' and 'AVGC') to being sad and 'broken' ("Broken" - ch 1)) but i feel like finn's still pretty much in character. if not, let me know! i have a plan to fix it if need be! and sorry this chapter is so short! i only really had inspiration for the first chapter, but people requested a sequel, so i wrote one, and well, here we are. haha  
**

**reviews are always appreciated!**

**happy reading!**

**~matchbook  
**

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After Puck's seeing performance of Seether's cover of "Careless Whisper", Finn isn't really sure what he feels. Puck's song reminded him that Rachel cheated on him, which made him mad at her again. But he understands that Puck feels bad (in fact, he's happy that Puck feels bad, he _should _feel bad!), but he doesn't think he'll ever be able to forgive him. This is what Finn is thinking about that afternoon after getting home from school.

_ He's such a jerk! He betrayed me _again_! How can he just expect me to forgive him!_

_ But it was Rachel who actually cheated on you. _(Which brings out a whole new set of emotions)

_ It's not like she actually slept with Puck, they just made out._

_ Kissing is still cheating, though!_

_ You cheated on Quinn with _Rachel _when you were together! Where do you get off saying you're all perfect here?_

_ Quinn cheated on me first, so those cancel each other out or something, right?_

_ But you didn't know she'd cheated then, which means you still cheated on her._

_ So, I'm not perfect! I'm still not forgiving him! He's an asshole and doesn't care about anyone but himself! And Rachel only cares about becoming a star and getting exactly what she wants!_

_ Huh, sound familiar, Mr. Inner Rockstar?_

_ Ahh! Stop it! Why am I even doing this? Fighting with yourself in your head is freaky! No more self-arguing!_

With that, Finn decides he should just focus on something else, something non-friend/ex-girlfriend related. So, he turns the radio on and pulls out his homework.

It's been a month, and still Finn finds himself avoiding and at the same time looking for Rachel. During glee he listens to Rachel singing, secretly wishing she were singing to him, like she used to. He notices that she's gone back to the old songs she used to sing, the ones posted on her MySpace music page, the ones she sang before they were together. Puck sees him in the hall on the way to class one day. Puck opens his mouth to speak, and slows as if he's going to approach him, but just ends up shaking his head to himself and keeps walking.

It's Friday again, and Finn is happy to be going home. He's still all mixed up inside. He knows he's still mad at Puck (but also sort of proud of him for "saying 'no'"). And he knows he's mad at Rachel for cheating on him, and he feels like he can't trust her completely like he used to (but he also knows he still missed her like hell). So, in the end, all he really knows for sure is that he's confused and upset and hurt, and he just wishes he wasn't.

So, because he knows he's no good at talking, and Kurt, his mom and Burt shouldn't be home for another half-hour yet, he turns the radio on, hoping to find something he can sing along to, something that will help ease all of this tension. He flips to one of his favorite rock stations, waiting for the announcer guy to stop talking and play the next freaking song. The music starts, and he's so happy that his wish was granted.

_I'm holding on your rope  
Got me ten feet off the ground  
And I'm hearing what you say  
But I just can't make a sound  
You tell me that you need me  
Then you go and cut me down  
But wait...  
You tell me that you're sorry  
Didn't think I'd turn around and say.._

_That it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late_

_I'd take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you  
And I need you like a heart needs a beat  
(But that's nothing new)  
Yeah yeah_

_I loved you with a fire red, now it's turning blue  
And you say  
Sorry like the Angel Heaven let me think was you,  
But I'm afraid_

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
Woah-oooh woah_

_It's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, it's too late  
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah  
I said it's too late to apologize, yeah_

_I'm holding on your rope  
Got me ten feet off the ground_

His cell phone buzzes in his pocket as the song ends. Finn turns the music down a bit and looks at his phone to see who's texted him. Rachel.

_Hi Finn. I just wanted to say Hello, and ask how you are. You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I just wanted to know how you were doing. You seem really quiet lately, so I thought maybe you were upset- I mean, maybe about something that I could fix. I'm not trying to be too pushy or forward, I just wanted to see how you were doing. Just text or call me if you want to talk, okay? -R_

In the back of his mind, he smiles for a moment at the familiar length of her texts, but in the forefront, he's still mad at her. So he ignores the text, tosses his phone onto his bed, and pulls out his homework.


End file.
